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June 18, 2003

The "If..." Project: March 2001 (Archive)

If given the challenge, could you live without a mirror for one week? How much emphasis do you place on the outward appearance you show the world?

Could I live without a mirror for a week? Easily! Actually, I find my self-esteem improves greatly when I am not faced with my own appearance. When I am not thinking about how I look, I don’t feel self-conscious, and the real “me” comes out. I feel smart, funny, sometimes even wise, and people seem to enjoy my company.

Then I pass a mirror and think, “Oh my goodness, that is what they’re seeing!” And I feel all ugly and clumsy and just a horrible person. Then it passes, till the next time I’m faced with a mirror.

What I tend to forget is, that is how people see me, but they still treat me like I’m an interesting, fun person to hang out with. Other people honestly couldn’t care less what I look like—they like me for me! And I don’t judge other people by their appearance, either. It is always a mystery to me why I can’t give my own self the same respect and appreciation I give to others and that most everybody else gives to me.

One of life’s mysteries, I guess. I’m fine so long as I don’t look in a mirror.

How much emphasis do I place on the outward appearance I show the world? Too much, and yet not enough. In other words, I dislike the way I look, but not enough to bother to change it. My hairstyle is not at all flattering, but it’s easy care, and I like it that way. I don’t have the time or interest to start messing with my hair. I’ve been that route, in my younger days when I had people I cared to impress, but I simply don’t care any longer. And I have never learned to use cosmetics, even though I know it would give me a much more polished appearance in the work world. I know that these days modestly-applied cosmetics is actually considered simply good grooming, and it looks like I can’t be bothered to care about my appearance, which does not look very professional. Unfortunately, that’s pretty much true.

Appearance is over-rated, but it’s true that it is also the first impression you make. However, I’ve been uninterested in impressing anybody for so long, I don’t think I’m capable of impressing anybody any longer. And that’s OK, because I am no longer interested in associating with the kind of people who are impressed by outward appearances.

6/17/03