August 25, 2004
I was in a wedding last week. And it was quite the wedding.
The bride didn’t like her dress. The maid of honor loved hers till the bridesmaids decided to turn the filmy stoles into sashes. The guest book attendants vanished and the junior groomsman went AWOL, sending their respective bridesmaid mothers to the verge of frustrated tears. The bride discovered her “dainties” had gotten drenched when she went through the car wash earlier in the day, unaware that her car’s trunk leaked, causing a frantic search for a hair dryer, and then trying to share drying time with a bridesmaid who also required its use. The girl who was supposed to do hair showed up at the very last minute. Each attendant in turn tripped over her dress, and the mother of the bride took a tumble. There was an official flower pinner, but the job got passed down the line till eventually the mother of the bride ended up finishing. The rings got left in the bride’s car. The maid of honor’s long-stemmed rose vanished, triggering a frantic last-minute search till somebody discovered that another bridesmaid had it. The maid of honor hadn’t even met the best man until they were introduced at the back of the church. She hadn’t made it to the rehearsal, but that didn’t matter, because nobody else seemed to know what was going on, either.
But the church and the altar were beautiful, and the attendants were graceful and elegant as they walked down the aisle. The only thing marring the tableau was the huge grins on the bridesmaids’ faces as the father of the bride walked his youngest daughter down the aisle. But that could be excused—they knew what it had taken to get him to that point.
The ceremony was short and simple, a little bit solemn, a little bit casual, a little bit romantic, exactly appropriate for the couple involved. The couple barely made it to the back of the church before the bride’s veil fell off. The receiving line was a mob at the back of the church.
The reception was at a park. The maid of honor got lost three times trying to find it. It was so windy two ladies had to hold the cake up till the photographer arrived to take pictures. The bride gave up on her veil. The groom took a big bite of the piece of cake he cut before feeding the bride. The meal was a free-for-all, with no proper line and the ones who should have been honored guests having to push and shove their way in. The kids way over-decorated the car, annoying both the bride and groom. An unattended small child tumbled into the nearby duck pond. The brother of the groom tried to auction the bride’s garter, but couldn’t get any takers. When the bride threw her bouquet, it hit the top of the gazebo and crashed to the floor, causing shouts of “Do over!” from all the hopeful single girls. The bridesmaids spilled punch all over their dresses. The wind made eating practically impossible. But there was a lot of visiting and laughter, lots and lots of laughter.
Everybody had a great time, and we will be laughing about it for years to come. However, I don’t think any of us wants to become involved in another wedding for a long time!