Wyndspirit's Wanderings
Prairie rose




Resurrection and Reinvention

January 1, 2007

“It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” ~ e.e. cummings

For the past two years, I’ve been living with stories that have not been mine to tell. However, I think I’m finally ready to tell a few more of my own. I have too many changes going on—and too many thoughts!—to keep to myself any longer. And so I will attempt once more to write essays on life as I see it, and experience it. Only, I’m not such a dreamer any longer, so… Welcome to Wyndspirit’s Wanderings! I have no clue where it is going to end up, but I hope you join me for the ride.

For the past two years I have been a professional caregiver. Every time I begin to feel that this is it, I am finally getting too burned out to continue, I am blessed with another special client that I wouldn’t have missed knowing for the world. I have touched and been touched by so many lives, except, again, they aren’t my stories to tell.

But this is my story. It’s all about resurrection and reinventing myself and figuring out who I really am, and it isn’t finished yet.

I am a firm believer in “God helps those who help themselves.” I believe that God frequently answers prayer for a certain end result by providing the means to the end instead of handing me the end result itself. If I pray for a tall glass of lemonade, He’s just as apt to provide me with a bag of lemons, knowing that the water and sugar are things that I already possess. I might have even forgotten that I possessed the sugar, but once I received the lemons and started figuring out how to turn them into lemonade, I’d find where I had stashed it.

I prayed for a job that would allow me to make a difference. I’m not sure what exactly I had in mind, but it wasn’t babysitting dying or elderly people. But there is no question that I am making a difference. I also hoped for a job with a bit more financial security, but, if I had it all, I would never move on from this job, and I’m not going to be able to handle the mental and emotional strain for too many more years. And I still have a few dreams about doing bigger things.

I prayed for some way for me to make ends meet. I was thinking in terms of more income, but, instead, I was provided a way to live within the income I had. I did indeed get more hours at work, but that was bonus.

I prayed for the inspiration or whatever I needed to get back to writing. I sailed through a writing contest two years in a row and met a group of like-minded individuals who decided to form a group to provide each other with inspiration.

But I said in the beginning that this was about resurrection and reinvention of myself. Reinvention is something I am completely responsible for, that I do for myself. Resurrection is being brought back from the dead. That, my friends, is a miracle. I have been reinventing myself, but the spark that triggered the courage to change didn’t come from me. Still, that spark is merely a useless little nagger until I take the initiative to do something about it.

The choice is entirely up to me.

I choose to do something about it.

I choose to use my miracle.