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March 19, 2003 March 18: This was actually written last week, but then I decided to post the other essay instead. Today it is 40 degrees and gloomy and feels raw because it’s such a damp cold. Mom says Grandma called it “making spring!” I just had an overwhelming urge to wash windows. That in itself is pretty amazing, but it also happens to be only about 15 degrees outside. But the sun is shining and it looks warm, so I want to wash windows! Spring fever takes many forms, and in this case, it makes me want to wash windows. Mind you, if it were actually warm enough to wash windows, I would not want to. I don’t think I’ve washed the inside windows since the first year I moved into my place, and I’ve never washed the outside windows. But this will be the year I wash windows! Ever notice how easy it is to plan to do something when you know that in reality you can’t do it right now? It happens to me every week. Around Friday I start making a “to do” list—either mentally or on paper—of all the things I need to do that weekend. At the time, I’m full of energy and it seems like I could do it all. In reality, I normally accomplish only the absolute essentials that are on my list, and sometimes not even that. In reality, since I work nights, Saturday morning when I walk in my door I feel an overwhelming sense of freedom…and then I go to sleep. And when I wake up—surprise! Half my weekend is gone. Recently I have been planning out this summer’s major project. Every year I come up with a major project for summer. Sometimes it actually gets done. Whether it gets done or not, it gives me something to look forward to and helps me survive the endless last months of winter. In reality, I don’t have half the time and energy that I think I do. Does anybody? We all like to make big plans. Sometimes we manage to carry through with them, but more often they end up falling by the wayside, the victims of reality. So should we stop making big plans? I don’t think so. We all have the big dreams that are so far in the future or seemingly unattainable that we know they are just that—dreams. I like to think of my everyday “big plans” as “little dreams.” Little dreams can come true, and they do, not always, but a lot more often than big dreams, and sometimes a lot sooner. I might even get my windows washed this summer! |