March 31, 2004
From The Book of Questions (Gregory Stock):
Which would you prefer: a wild, turbulent life filled with joy, sorrow, passion, and adventure—intoxicating successes and stunning setbacks; or a happy, secure, predictable life surrounded by friends and family without such wide swings of fortune and mood?
The key word in the question is happy. Wild excitement and passion I can do without. It’s simple happiness that I crave. I feel sorry for people who need to be forever chasing rainbows. I don’t feel alive when I’m taking risks, the way some people claim they do. I feel alive when I’m sitting in my swing in my front yard, reading or doing crafts or just watching the world go by. I feel alive when I’m trying for the perfect photo, or I’ve written something that really works. I feel alive when I hear a meadowlark. I feel alive when I’m watching a blizzard from within the warmth of my house.
“Happy, secure, predicable…” That sounds like heaven to me. I don’t like change. I have never liked change. Change does not make me happy. OK, sometimes it makes me happy, but usually it makes me so stressed out I can’t appreciate it. Going out to the farm every weekend—that makes me happy. Knowing I’ll be headed out to the farm when Friday rolls around makes me happy. It makes me happier than if I had no idea what the weekend was going to bring.
Even in my current unpredictable state of joblessness, I have my routines that make the uncertainty more bearable. I try not to focus on what the future might hold, but on the early spring that is unfolding around me. I send out my resumes, then go putter around in my yard. I go to a job interview, and then go window shopping. I juggle bills, then work on crafts for the summer craft sales.
And I would be lost if I did not have family and friends. My family and friends are a big part of what makes me happy. Let somebody else go conquer the mountains—I will be laughing and visiting with Mom and Dad all weekend long. Yes, predictable is good!